Chapter Nine

“Microplay has this game priced at $9.95. Will you price match as yours is priced at $10?”

<pause>

“Sure.”

“I’d buy this game from you, but I’ve got it on hold from Microplay. It’s not nice to cancel an order when a store is nice enough to hold a game for you.”

“But you cancel games from me all the time. In fact, you’ve done it so many times I won’t order anything in for you unless you prepay for it, and I won’t hold anything for you for longer than a day. Hell, you’ve cancelled more stuff than you’ve ever picked up.”

“Well, I don’t want to make enemies.”

“I see… Oh wait, no I don’t.”

At the store there are a couple Virtual Boys set up to look all cool on top of a high display case. And people being people, they just know if it’s on a six foot display case, not plugged in and no controller around, it must be there for playing for free. And that sign on the one facing forward that says “Warning! Do Not Play!” means “Hook me up boy!”

So one day the Gord puts a sign in the Virtual Boy that was spun around so the display was facing away from people, and he stuffed a sign in there that read “Hey Jackass! How about you show some manners and put me back!”

One day a guy brought the unit to the counter and asked what the sign meant.

ARGH!

“Can I pay for a game with a post-dated cheque? I have an account with your store.”

(note: This was in May)

“Uhm…. well, what game and post dated till when?”

“Well, Final Fantasy IX and a memory card, and I would like to post date it till October 15, as I get a GST cheque then.”

“Let me think about that. No.”

“I’d like to trade these games in please. What are they worth?”

“Given that they are my games that someone rented a couple days back, I’d say they are worth nothing. I’m sure the person who rented them will thank you for returning them for him.”

“I bought those games! They aren’t yours!”

“Sir, not only are the games still in my rental cases, but they are also labeled with security marker with my name on them.”

“How about $20?”

“How about I wish you a good day?”

“Give me back my games!”

“You’re not keeping up here. They aren’t your games to keep.”

“I’ll phone the police.”

“Fine. Go ahead. You can explain to them why you were trying to sell me stolen games. Last I checked, selling stolen merchandise that you know is stolen is illegal. You must be new to this crime thing.”

And buddy left, never to return.

“I’d like to buy that used PlayStation with my credit please.”

“Sir, you only have $14 credit, and used PlayStations are $80.”

“I have more than that!”

“Well, at your high point you did have $110 credit, but you’ve spent It all on drinks and late fees. In fact, you’ve still got two games out that combined you owe $42 in late charges on.”

“Well, I don’t owe for those. I rented them for someone else.”

“This would be an example of why you shouldn’t rent for friends. And since you rented them, you do owe for them.”

“Just give me the PlayStation on account, and I’ll pay for it later.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m not a bank nor a credit card agency. Might I suggest you contact them.”

“What’s a PlayStation worth in trade?”

“$50.”

“Here you go.”

Gord goes over to the monitor to hook up the PlayStation to make sure it works.

“Uhm… what are you doing?”

“I’m going to just test it to make sure it works.”

“You don’t have to do that, it works just fine.”

<dramatic pause>

“Sir, the entire laser assembly is missing. This machine cannot possibly play a game.”

“So take off $5?”

“Perhaps I’m not making myself clear.”

“So it’s missing one part. I’m sure you have lots of extra parts.”

“Replacement laser assemblies are in very short supply. Your machine is worth $20.”

“You’re a rip off!”

“As compared to someone who tries to trade in a broken PlayStation?”