THE BOOK OF ANNOYANCES
13
Wherein The Gord reveals the limitations of PlayStations.
01 / 06
“Wow! You got anime on DVD! I’ll rent this one.”
Customer rents DVD anime.
Customer leaves.
Customer returns.
“It doesn’t work on my PlayStation.”
“You have a PlayStation 2?”
“No, just a PlayStation.”
“Uhm, it won’t work that way. It can’t handle reading the DVD’s.”
“Sell me the add-on that will make it work.”
“Uhm, that’s a Video-CD add on. Video CD’s are not DVD’s.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me it wouldn’t work?”
“It just never occurred to me to tell you how your own equipment works.”
02 / 06
“Could you order me in a copy of Final Fantasy 9 from Japan? I don’t want to wait till it comes out here.”
“Uhm, sure. It’ll be about $95 for a new copy imported from Japan, and it’ll take about two weeks.”
Game arrives, customer buys, and customer returns.
“Hey! I can’t read the game! It’s in Chinese!”
“Actually, it’s in Japanese. Being it’s a Japanese game, for Japanese gamers, in Japan.”
“I can’t read it.”
“Well, just what did you think the game would be in? English?”
“They should be.”
“I’ll let them know.”
03 / 06
Gord has his computer and MP3 love action wired into his stereo and with it, he can wield much music love action all around the store!
And with part of this, he also has a headset wired into his computer. Primarily used for networked gaming, it can also be used to make Gord into DJ Gord!
And DJ Gord was on the good. Music was booming, games were playing, the good times were all about. And then a new customer walked in the door.
And over the speakers bellowed “Welcome to the Player’s Edge, the hottest nightclub in town! I’m DJ Gord, and I’m dealing up fun-o-tainment!”
Customer turns and leaves.
04 / 06
“You now have $1 left in credit.”
“No I don’t, I have $2.”
“You had $11. You used $10 of it to buy that game.”
“I traded in $12 worth of games.”
“You had two games worth $3, and one worth $5.”
“See! $12.”
“What’s 5 + 3?”
“8.”
“8 + 3”
“12.”
“oh god.”
05 / 06
Customer asks Gord about ordering a selection of anime DVD’s. Gord informs him that they are $45 each. Then add in taxes, and $2 for shipping to their place, and the total is $208.
“I’m sorry. That’s too much. I can get them for $30 by mail order from Animenation.com”
“You do realize $30 US converts to more than $45 Canadian. And on top of that, shipping from the states will cost more. A lot more.”
“Oh, the site is in Canadian dollars.”
“You are aware that it lists everything in US dollars, being a US site and all.”
“No it doesn’t. It’s in Canadian, as I’m in Canada. All web sites convert to Canadian dollars in their pricing when you visit them from Canada.”
<blink blink>
“So exactly at what point did you decide to waste my time and not listen to the facts? Was it the part when I said it was $2 for shipping that you suddenly woke up retarded?”
06 / 06
“So what’s wrong with your PlayStation?”
“Well, it was working one day, and then today it wasn’t. Could you fix it?”
“I guess I can take a look at it.”
“Can you do that right now?”
“uhm, sure, I guess.”
Gord opens the PlayStation up.
“Well, there is your problem. A retarded monkey with a soldering iron tried to put in a mod chip. I’d like to say I’ve seen a worse soldering job, but I’d be lying. Usually soldering doesn’t cover an entire chip in solder.”
“Uhm… I didn’t do that.”
“I never said you did. I blamed a retarded monkey.”
“So how did that happen?”
“A retarded monkey with a soldering iron.”
“But it just stopped working.”
“Do I look like the morality police? I can install a new motherboard for you. I’ve got them in stock.”
“Could you also chip it for me?”
“I asked do I look like the morality police, not do I look like an idiot.”
THE GORD'S COMMENT · CH. 13
When Gord is in charge, mandatory classes on being a normal customer will be required for everyone.