Chapter Eighteen

Near the end of his reign, Gord would start just saying “I don’t know” if the annoying customer was a repeat person that had asked and annoyed him before and Gord had felt they were basically a deadbeat looking for a used $5 copy that they would never find.

“Do you have Metal Gear Solid?”

“Not a clue.”

“Could you check?”

“I don’t know how to.”

“What?”

“But you’re free to look on the wall for it.”

“Are you sure you don’t know where it is?”

“Are you going to buy it?”

“No, I just want to know if you have it.”

“Then I don’t have a clue.”

“What does this game cost?”

“$49. Just like the sticker says.”

“But what was your cost on it?”

“That’s a question you’re just going to have to figure out on your own.”

“I don’t want to pay more than what you paid for it.”

“Oh really? And why is that?”

“It’s not fair that I should pay a higher price just because I don’t own a store.”

“Assuming I were to sell everything at my cost, that would mean that I would have a greatly reduced income. And with this reduced income, I would be unable to pay for the little things like rent, power, and food.”

“Welfare doesn’t pay much. If your games were cheaper, I could buy more.”

“Want to hear my idea? It’s just crazy enough to work. How about you just get a job and stop spending my money on video games.”

“I don’t think I like your attitude.”

“If you weren’t on welfare I might care what you thought.”

“I’m never coming back!”

“Oh no! The guy who only buys games at my costs isn’t coming back! Say it isn’t so! Door’s to your left.”

“What used PC games have you got?”

“A few. How fast is your machine?”

“It’s a 386-25.”

<blink blink>

“I’m afraid I don’t have anything that will run on that machine.”

“I can run anything on it.”

“No, no you can’t.”

“You see, I’m really good at computers. I hacked the chip, and unlocked the secret instructions that actually made my machine as fast as a Pentium 133!”

“Oh really?”

“Yep. So I can play anything. I play Half Life all the time,”

“If you say so.”

“But don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to get sued over cracking the chip.”

“I’m pretty sure that won’t be a problem.”

“How good is this game?”

Customer brings up one year old version of NHL Face-off ’99 with a starburst sticker on.

“Sir, what does the sticker say?”

“It says ‘Just Like NHL ’98′”

“And?”

“‘Only it sucks.'”

“All together now.”

“‘Just like NHL 98 only it sucks.'”

“There you go.”

“So, is it good?”

“Sir, the game is $5. NHL ’98 is $20.”

“I’ll take it.”

“I would like to trade this game in.”

“Ok. It’s worth $5 in credit.”

“But it’s good!”

“Sir, what does that starburst say on that new copy I have.”

“‘Hey! I suck! Buy me!'”

“And it’s priced at $20 new.”

“You won’t sell the game if you do things like that.”

“That’s what I thought too. How wrong I was.“

(anything that Gord put that starburst on for the entire week would sell within a day. The game [San Francisco Rush for the PlayStation] sold later that day. -ed)